This is another from one of my old diaries. (2004)
I stand amidst the rocks with my arms outstretched, my head tipped back, and I greet the sky.
“Greetings Spirit. Welcome to this place and time. Well come to my space.”
A warrior woman in riding leathers swoops down upon a eagle with a saddle on its back. She greets me with a staff-length wand stamped upon the ground and holds it forth. I am honoured. She is well come. Sitting herself down upon a rock to wait, she points to the sky.
“See how quickly the sky changes? The clouds shift and dance, just as the colours around and upon them do…some dark, some filled with evening light, some with a silver lining or streaks of gold.”
“Indeed they are beautiful… and I feel you are trying to tell me something with this showing of the clouds.”
“All things come to be and all pass away. It is the way of the way and as it has always been and ever will be.”
She gestures to herself, saying “We come. We go.” Her body fades slightly.
“And yet, we are always here. The time has come for some of us to pass away like the clouds, and for some of us to reform, like the clouds. It is never truly a passing or rebirth, but indeed to one who stands still in a single place it may seem so. We are here today and gone tomorrow.” she shrugs.
“Are you talking about my guides or about incarnate people in my life, sister?”
“Hmmm. You have noticed a new young man guiding you, have you not?”
“He replaces one such as me that passes.”
“Have I done anything wrong to cause a passing? Have I displeased the one who passes?”
“No. It is not so. Simply that she must pass on now and you must grow in new ways, in new directions. She has left me with a message in passing, however, and will from time to time send her word.”
“Oh. Thank you. And the message?”
“You are to keep on smiling with you heart even when the sky is raining on your parade. Keep not to the shadows lest you fall short of your own light’s potential. Dreams come and go… make the most of them while they last and be strong in your heart of hearts. Know that we all love you and abide in your heart. Trust in yourself and go on. Blessed Be.”
“Thank you for the passing of this message. May I give one in return?”
“Indeed. You may.”
“Thank you for your guidance, your light and your teaching. Thank you for sharing. Would that I may shine of my own light and share what I have of you my beautiful sister and guide. I love you.”
“Blessed be sister. I will pass on the blessings and thanks.”
For a while there is silence between us, then the eagle-lady starts to draw in the dirt with her fingertip.
“See now this soil?
She draws a tiny circle with a large circle around it. Pointing to inside of the smaller circle she says “We are here in the centre.”
Then she points to the space outside of this circle, but still within the larger encompassing circle.
“You are here.”
Then, she taps her finger on the soil outside the larger circle and, throwing her arms wide, says “Spirit is all around.”
“You are not Spirit?”
“No, we are but a part of spirit. As are you. But a different part. Deeper in a way, and deep to you. We are your part of Spirit and we love you dearly. As you love us, we love you and so moves the great circle of Life.”
She draws clouds in the dirt, above the circles.
“Here in the sky we are like clouds. We come. We go. We merge. We part. We live. We die. And so on and so forth. Like a great circle without ending, one is not so different from the other for it all flows together as one whole.”
“He taught me that.”
“Ah no! He simply reminded you what you already knew as a Great Truth inside yourself. One day you will die but you will not cease to Be. You will be One with us. It may seem to others that you are apart, but no…simply like a passing cloud changing form.
Mmmm. Join now in the circle… let us strengthen you and join you in the sharing. You must call on us not simply for protection and guidance but also for strengthening and support. We share our energies with you and ask that you not be drained by your efforts with others. This is the next great teaching. And so he comes. Ah men. Ah maya hahn.”
He walks into the central circle and stands before me yet seems to embrace me at the same time. He seems calm and peaceful, soft… and yet he ripples and glistens with power, an auric power which almost crackles. His hair is golden blonde when he smiles and he is very handsome. Then at other times I see a dark haired figure, almost regal, very still in the way he holds himself, waiting. I see ‘both of them’ and yet they seem as one.
“Greetings sister-daughter, be at ease.”
We sit. I do feel a bit awkward. He shushes me and is very gentle with me, yet powerful and assertive at the same time.
“It is a merging, dear one. As our sister told you. Two as one. It will become easier to perceive us with time.”
“Hmmm…now you see this?” He pulls an old pendant out from the folds of my heart and cleanses it, renews it.
“How did that get lost in there?”, he says with a smile.
What is this pendant?” I ask.
“An old one you have had before. You would find it in earlier writings and certainly past selves would know it.”
When I try to see the pendant, I see an x shape, an eagle, waves and a circle, but everything seems to be shimmering and shifting in front of my eyes.
He shushes me again, saying “You will give yourself a headache trying to comprehend it!! Simply know it is in your heart, like this.”
He touches my heart and I feel an incredible sensation. “Remember the other day, the sensation with your crown chakra? That was me.”
“I hear a sound with the pendant.”
“Yes. It’s a memory. Of another time. This time, however, you will hold it and not project it outwards. This power is yours and always was. You do not need to give it away to me or any other male.”
“Why would, or did, I do that?”
“Because you do not always believe you have the Right. You do not believe it is inside, a part of you already. So when you perceive it, feel it… you push it away for surely ‘it cannot be you’. My dear, it most surely is you, so you must own it. We will keep trying… awful word trying, we will keep on with you until you make this your own.”
He blows on the pendant. It sparkles.
“I understand, even though… hmm. I’m pretty sure I sort of understand.”
He laughs deeply, openly. It bounces around me like an echo. He puts a ring on the ring finger of my right hand. It has a stone in it- an emerald.
He says “No. Green, yes, but not an emerald. Look in your son’s book and you will find it. Then look in your own. See here?”
He reaches into my solar plexus and moves something on the right side. Tinkering, he pulls something out and blows on it, then reaches in and tinkers some more.
“Ahh, here we are.” He peers in and tinkers more. Many images play in my mind. I see the character ‘monkey magic’ from a children’s program, pulling a tuft of furr and blowing in it. I see a staff being swung in my liver area, widening a great space on my right hand side. Now I see the Spirit man walking in this space, seeming pleased, saying “Yes, this will do nicely.”
He takes me in. It’s like a ballroom with a beautiful floor and ceiling. Everything is round and there is a light, like a ceiling light window at the apex. A shaft of light pours down through it, with butterflies and leaves fluttering downwards in slow motion.
“You have plenty of room dear, plenty. Do not limit yourself by the confines of your fears. I will teach you to move beyond them in yet greater ways. You will learn how to direct and cast forth power without ever losing energy or draining yourself. You can hold power and shine it forth without diminishing yourself in any way. And in time, you will learn new ways to shine that do not diminish you, but rather feed your light with greater light.
You are a little messy right now. You stumble around and doubt yourself and make a mess, scatterings of power here, scatterings of power there….like arrows that have missed their mark- wasted energy spent in their release because you didn’t really mean it when you let them go.
Take time to find your target my dear. Learn to hone in before you release, and it will be effortless. One more thing before you go tonight. No leaking allowed.”
“Thank you, will you show me when I’m leaking?”
“Mmm, you will feel it and learn not to do it.” He says, smiling.