Giving your power away and projecting your shadows onto others

From time to time, someone will contact me asking if I can help them remove a hex, or because they are under psychic attack. I refer them on to other practitioners because I don’t enjoy the ‘giving your power away’ paradigm. To work with them, I either have to honour their paradigm and enter into it, or find a way to coax them out of it. The first approach means dropping my frequency and playing make believe in a way that disempowers both me and the client. The second option is doable but can be tiresome; people who readily embrace the idea of hexes and psychic attack tend to be fear-based in their thinking, some to the point of paranoia, and they are so deeply ingrained in their fears that invitations to reframe reality are met with the same suspicion they apply to everything else.

As much as possible, I like to honour the beliefs of others and sometimes the best way I can do this with fear-based clients is to refer them on to someone who shares their beliefs. But I’m also in the process of learning how to speak up for my own truth, so I wanted to write this blog to clarify my thoughts on this topic, for both myself and others. And perhaps also to explore an AND perspective; how can I honour their paradigm AND help bust them out of it at the same time. I think the answer lays in my core truth regarding the value of metaphor in spiritual work as opposed to taking everything so literally.

If I ‘play ball’ and say yes to removing a hex for someone, I enter into their paradigm. This messes with my own mindset as well as reinforcing the idea for the client that other people have more power over their wellbeing than they do. This isn’t healthy! As soon as you decide someone else has the power to hex you, you have given your power away to them. And when you then come to someone like me, and I remove the hex for you, I am reinforcing the idea that I too, have more power over your wellbeing than you do.

I can’t begin to imagine how disempowering that must be: being at the mercy of everyone else’s ill-wishing and never knowing who might be hexing you, or why, and when. And needing to run to a witchdoctor for help every time it happens. Every bad thing, every ache, every stress…. has the potential to be framed as ‘psychic attack’. I’ve watched people go through this and alienate themselves from every single person in their lives. Every mild disagreement turns into something bigger because how can you trust anyone? Every ache is a pin stuck into a voodoo doll, so why bother doing to the doctor? And every strange stick on the ground could be a hex. How hellish it must be to live in such an unfriendly universe!

And this is exactly the point I try to make to those fear-based clients I do work with: why choose a negative fear-based reality when you could choose a positive faith-based reality? There is a lot of stuff we can’t control about the world around us, but we have many choices when it comes to the way we view reality. Some choices empower us and help us feel happy and whole. Others disempower us.

I’ll never forget the time I had a new student in one of my established classes tell us about how she was afraid of the ‘evil eye’. What is the evil eye, we asked? Her explanation was that the evil eye is ill-wishing and negative thoughts from people who are jealous because you are standing out, doing well, having success and being happy…when they are not. Apparently this evil eye can be the explanation for every bad thing that happens in your life.

The students and I were baffled. What a strange idea! “So what about famous people?” I asked. “Surely there couldn’t be any famous people in the world because the power of the evil eye, the jealousies of others, would counter and destroy all of their successes. I find it hard to believe all the famous people in the world are secretly miserable because of the evil eye. Famous people get a lot of haters!”

You could then argue that the power of the adulation from all the people who love these famous people counters the evil eye, but really? If that’s the case, then you would have to apply the same logic to our own more normal lives. I think it most certainly can impact us negatively if we surround ourselves with people who don’t like us (only because this can be demoralising), but the reality is, most of us are surrounded by people who love us.

It seems crazy to me to believe that someone who doesn’t like me has the power to make my life miserable with their thoughts and feelings alone. This is like saying I have absolutely no capacity to protect myself from that, and that their ill-wishing is more powerful than my own sense of self, my own belief in myself, my own psychic ‘immune system’. As an aura reader, the best quality boundaries I ever encountered in a client belonged to a lady who simply believed, without a skerrick of doubt, that she was protected. This unwavering faith meant that she was indeed perfectly protected.

Protected from what, you might ask? And why do people become so obsessed with scary, dark, negative, evil things anyway? Popular fiction. Unresolved shadows in their own psyche…. we all project our fears onto the unknown and the psyche/psychic realm is a prime candidate for fear projection, because it’s so unknown and mysterious to people. I’m not saying that people don’t have negative thoughts about others, nor am I saying that there aren’t unsavoury misguided souls who deliberately seek to harm others with their psychic intent, but I sincerely believe this is less common than most people think and it doesn’t have the power we think it has. Or at least, it doesn’t have to if you select beliefs that make you immune to it.

Energy flows where attention goes. And our thoughts frame or create our experience of reality. If you believe someone has the power to harm you with their thoughts, that is the reality you will experience… whether it’s literal or imagined, the power of your mind will ensure that the experience is very real for you,

Why do this to yourself? Honestly, there are enough dangers in the real world to contend with- real ones that can harm you physically- without adding psychic fears to the equation. Why fill your mind with scary thoughts, images and ideas? Talk about brain-washing yourself into a disempowered experience of reality! Don’t give your power away by believing someone else has more power over your wellbeing than you have over your own.

As a healer, there is nothing I can do to the energy field that it doesn’t first agree to. People under-estimate the boundaries and self-protective mechanisms of the energy field. If you genuinely feel you are under psychic attack or prone to having hexes put on you, the real focus of your concern should be abut your own boundaries and self-worth, rather than becoming obsessed with (and hence empowering) whomever you think is attacking you.

The real issue here is: what wounds and beliefs in my psyche stop me from being able to stand in my own power and own my own space? What is happening to my personal boundaries? When I look at my day-to-day relationships and interactions, can I see evidence of poor personal boundaries causing problems? Do I know where I end and other people begin? Do I have faith in my own ability and rights to stand up for myself? Do I value myself enough not to allow others to harm me and put me down?

Because the only way another person’s psyche could harm you is if your personal boundaries are crap, your self-esteem is shot to pieces and the other person’s intent is reflecting the way you actually feel about yourself on some level i.e. “They are right, I deserve to suffer”. There is no other possible way that your aura would allow someone else to harm you.

As a person of power, I refuse to give my power away to others by going into fear and believing they have the power to harm me on a psychic level. I have faith in my boundaries and my sense of self. My point of power is within. And if for some reason, I felt psychically attacked I would take exactly the same approach I use with day-to-day relationships in my life: I would use the other person as a mirror to look within. I would own it. What does this story of vulnerability to attack reflect or say about me? How am I attacking myself? Why might I believe I deserve attack? How can I grow and benefit from this experience? I would work with the internal reflection, rather than becoming obsessed with the external.

But honestly, the only time I encounter stuff like this is when Im working with people who have these beliefs. I personally choose to frame reality in a different way. I live in a friendly supportive universe and I am surrounded by beautiful beings of light who love me. I trust my body, I trust my emotions and the only shadows I really have to contend with are my own.

If I feel a pain in my body, it’s because my body is communicating with me and I need to listen, not because I’m under attack. If I feel a pain during healing, its because a blockage is clearing: I trust the healing and I trust my body. If something bad happens in my life, I have faith in my own ability to get through it in ways that will ultimately be empowering for me. I would never dream of framing these bad events in terms of ‘the universe is punishing me or someone is out to get me’! Wow! Why would I do that?! Bad things have happened to me many times and I always become stronger and wiser as a result of them, so to me, they aren’t really ‘bad things’. They are just part of the journey. Framing them in a negative light doesn’t help, so I don’t bother doing that. Waste of energy.

Personally, and I know a lot of people will disagree or be offended, but I think hexes and psychic attack are crap stories to tell yourself and others about reality; they a total waste of time and energy because they are disempowering and fear-based (they lower our frequency and compromise our boundaries). Having said that, I do understand how powerful and enticing these stories can be: once they get their claws in under your skin, it can be tricky to clear them out and make more empowering choices. It takes practise and discipline to habitually choose an empowering reality. And it takes honesty and guts to own your stuff instead of projecting it onto others.

BUT. These scary stories can be amazing metaphors used to represent the very real traumas and fears we are dealing with in life. For me as a healer, I definitely do work with psychic attack and hexes but I frame them differently: Psychic attack is a set of negative disempowering beliefs established in the psyche as a result of traumatic life events. For example, today I cleared a disempowering image of someone’s mother out of their psyche, not because the mother was deliberately attacking her on a psychic level but because the client had internalised her mother’s attitude towards her and was attacking herself with it. Will this clearing work? Will she be free of this negatively psychic impact from her mother? As the healer, I can guide, teach, suggest… but ultimately, the decision to heal is made by the client, her energy field, her psyche, her subconscious…not mine. She is her own power. I am not her power. Neither is her mother.

I also clear things that could be considered hexes, even though I don’t call them that. I call them negative programs. We get them from parents in childhood, unfriendly teachers, society around us, the church, abusive partners as so on. This negative conditioning is again something internalised, something learned from the outside world…. a belief or set of behaviours that we inflict upon ourselves that are disempowering. A hex is something we accept and use to harm ourselves with.

We all have choices. You don’t have to be disempowered by others unless you give your power away. It’s a mind set. And I’m perfectly happy to work with people who want to reframe their mindset more positively, but I’ve had many experiences where a client has said “No, don’t do that psychology crap on me. Just make the baddies go away”‘. i.e. Fix it for me, I don’t want to do any work or take any ownership over my own stuff. Take my power, I don’t want it. I just want to stay a victim. 

And this is where I arrive at the place I always arrive at: the realisation that the difference between what works and what doesn’t, when it comes to spiritual perspectives, is that healthy spiritual thinkers perceive abstract ideas like hexes and psychic attack as metaphors, rather than literal realities. It’s always the ones who take everything literally who tip over the mental health edge into paranoia, megalomania, and so on.

When someone says ‘I have a hex on me, I’m under psychic attack’, they are essentially saying that they don’t feel safe. They no longer have a healthy sense of control over their own personal reality, themselves, their life. The outside world is getting under their skin. Their boundaries have been violated. Their personal space doesn’t feel like their own anymore. From this point we can explore this very real feeling and ask ourselves why it has come about. What is the metaphor (hex and psychic attack) reflecting about their actual reality? Who is getting under their skin and why? How can we make their boundaries and sense of self stronger?

There is nothing wrong with story-telling per sae (e.g. I’m under psychic attack) so long as we can stand back and see it as a story, a choice in perspective, a way of framing an experience, a metaphor….

As soon as we lock ourselves into a negative perspective by considering it a literal experience, we lose the bigger picture and all the possibilities that come with it. Psychic attack and hexes are old, old stories….they belong to an old paradigm, a limited paradigm, a low-frequency paradigm. Surely we can tell more empowering stories than this!


  1. Thank you for this post, just what i have always thought about the issue of psychic attack as disempowerment. Great to read such sane and sensible articles.

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