Hello Om. Lovely day. Lovely way to be connecting with you. This is new.
Spirit seems pleased as though looking around at a room that has been rearranged, and liking it. I have just rearranged my room, but I think Spirit is talking about this wordpress site. Our history of connection has taken place with paper and pen, and while I work with Spirit everyday, the personal conversations between us have become fewer and further between. My life is so much happier now. I feel a little fickle for a moment, not for the first time realising how one sided this relationships can seem…. me checking in when I need help!
But no, that isn’t entirely true. I lose count sometimes, of how many times each day I take a moment to say thank you for the blessings, the support, the guidance. I guess I just don’t ‘hang out’, or ‘check in’, the way I used to. I can feel Spirit listening to me as I write this, getting ready to add some wisdom:
You don’t always have to come to us. We come to you.
And suddenly I remember an insight I had the other day: I realised that Spirit has been getting clever and sneaky about finding ways to communicate with me personally when I’m working. It made me realise that I need to make more space for the old one-on-ones we used to have. And here I was, thinking that this sudden desire to talk to spirit in a blog was spontaneous! I can feel strings being pulled.
I’m turning to face Spirit again, saying a big Thank you. And there is that cheeky grin, in response. So this must be Tomas stepping forwards from the collective energy of Spirit. Tomas is the only person I know with a smile like that!
The next thing I know, we are dancing. Apparently he’s teaching me the ‘cha-cha’. Although I seem to have been forgotten. He was dancing with me for a few moments, then got so carried away he danced off into his own little world, doing air-piano, and air-drums….
He notices me watching and grins again, stopping still and opening his arms. I run to him and then the next thing I know, I am sobbing. Tears of sadness, tears of grief, tears of joy and relief. I think I have all the colours of the rainbow here, a different colour for all the different reasons behind my tears. Then I see myself hiccuping with the emotion and a gush of words pour forth, all jumbled and tripping over one another. My emotions are playing twister together and falling down together in a laughing jumbled heap.
In amongst all of that, one thought catches my attention…
“I tried Tomas… but when the diary writing stopped, it just stopped. I know we connect regularly in vision but it just isn’t the same for me without the written word accompanying. I love it so, so much. And then I tried for a while to do it as a spoken journey connection, recording it. But that didn’t nourish me either. I guess, over the years, my writing has transferred from the page onto the screen, but my diary didn’t follow. It never occurred to me that I would eventually be blogging in an on-line diary and that I might talk to you in here.”
Peace daughter. I can hear all the noisy clamour of unspoken thoughts. Do not worry about privacy. You know how clever we can be about speaking between the lines….
Again that silly grin, and I am laughing. Do I ever! How many times have I wanted to throw something hard at Spirit (fat lot of good that would do), because they were speaking in riddles or being vague?
I can hear/see Tomas rummaging about in my computer. He comes back out with some loose wires in his hand and that ever perpetual grin.
And have you forgotten about these two different buttons? See here? One says ‘Publish’. One says ‘Draft’. We can keep the juicy stuff for ourselves.
He gets up, dusting his hands off. And extends a hand to me as though to shake it.
I’m amused by the formality and a little puzzled. Then I realise we are shaking on a new deal, like a business deal, and that he is also saying goodbye.
“Goodbye?”, I ask him. “But we only just started the conversation.”
Yes, but look at the time. You have a customer waiting at your closed gate.
Trust Tomas to distract me AND play tricks on me at the same time. I just went and checked. No customer there but at least the gate is open and now to continue the conversation… he’s not going to get away from me that easily. Or maybe he is. I can see the rear end of Tomas disappearing around a corner, like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. I guess I should follow. Kind of checking in with myself here to see if I’m up for a journey, and keeping one ear out for a client who I suspect isn’t coming.
*laughing* Oh he is funny! I just looked up and there a is white glove waving at me around the corner of a wall. It’s all I can see. Now then, if that’s not an invitation to ‘follow’, what is?
I follow and am entranced by a lovely golden line on the ground. It isn’t straight. It meanders neatly one way then the other, a bit like the trail a lizard would leave… and my footsteps are stepping neatly either side, as though to create the lizards footsteps. Lizard medicine is dreaming… I have had a lot of lizard energy around lately.
Now I am a big goanna climbing up a tree. I reach into a hole and take out two eggs. I am tapping on the eggs with a stick as though they are crystal glasses filled with water creating musical sounds. I am listening to the sound they make. One egg isn’t ready. I wrap it up and put it back in the tree. The other egg I shunt under my arm and now I am crawling forwards… no backwards…. into the past.
There are dark clouds above me and the feeling of darkness and trauma… almost as though I am crawling across enemy lines in a blackout during war. I squeeze into a small space and suddenly I am falling. The falling slows and I am floating…. the egg is golden and white- it hovers in front of me and breaks open. Out comes a magnificent eagle….? or is it a horse? OH! It’s a pegasus. This is Tomas energy. Tomas is an eagle/horse shape shifter. I haven’t ridden with him for ages. I go to climb aboard but he shushes me, telling me to be quiet and listen.
I am quiet and listen. I hear soft crying, almost like the mewling of a baby kitten. It pulls at my heart string and makes my throat hurt. We are sneaking now… through a big building, past people who must not see or hear us, over cold flagstones. I don’t like this place. Never have liked these big stone buildings. They feel oppressive and cold and miserable.
I see the baby now, in it’s cot. Hovering over it is a very typical evil-witch-like character. Maleficent? I think she’s out of one of the fairy tales. I don’t feel scared of her though. I get the distinct impression, that despite her appearance, she is a helper. I engage her and she explains that there is a poisonous ‘stream’ running through one of the child’s veins (energy lines), in the heart chakra. She says
I am a visual expression of that; representing the ‘evil/poison’ that taints her blood. Symbolically you might like to think of me as a family pattern or trait that isn’t helpful or desirable. I am all of your ancestors working together to convey this idea to you using symbolism and visual metaphor. We are gratified that you don’t scare easily or go into unnecessary fear when doing this work. You are commendable. It makes you much easier to communicate with.
She points to the darkened line of blood/energy in the child’s breast/chest.
Let me guide you and I will show you how to lift it out.
I look up to see where Tomas is, and find him leaning back nonchalantly against a wall watching, while he eats an apple. He winks at me and I have to laugh. He’s having fun with the poison apple theme. Oh! This must be like a sleeping beauty, snow white type story then…. something in me that has fallen asleep….
The lady interrupts me.
No, not fallen alseep. Thls is you as a child. There are potentials here that have never awakened, because of the ‘poison apple’. We would have you reverse that, so that we can activate a missing segment in our family line, through you.
I look behind her and see a line of powerful female ancestors. They all nod and smile in greeting. There is something so… nourishing about the feeling of them wanting to connect and guide me. I love them so much.
One of them steps forwards and merges with the witch lady. They shimmer for a moment and then she speaks.
I am she from which the taint came. I have old wounds that are affecting my descendants. I shut myself off from my power and my heart because I was too afraid of where it may lead me. I am sorry that this pattern is wending its way down the line.
She smiles. I know it’s an apology. We embrace.
She steps back and I step forward, closer to the baby. I see that Fulgurite has come to help me: lightening energy in the form of a crystal. I slide the fulgurite shaft over the poison line of energy in the child’s breast. Ha! I’m getting scary images of the child’s eyes snapping open and glaring at me. I turn to Tomas for guidance. He shakes his head and nods towards the witch lady, telling me with a jut of his chin to ask her, not him. He’s still got a mouth stuffed full of apple. He has always liked ‘eating’ crappy energy. He transforms it into light.
I look to the lady for guidance. She says:
Don’t get distracted by the darkness you see in the child. It’s just the taint expressing itself, trying to scare you off from removing it.
Now I can feel dragon energy gathering around me, and two lovely little clawed hands close off the edges of the fulgurite tube, sealing the taint inside. It’s SLIP!
Slip is my small dragon. I haven’t seen him in ages. He’s got a distinctly Asian look about him today. I’ve never noticed that about him before. He’s dancing in the sky… no, he’s writing something in the sky, using the fulgurite tube, which seems to smoke up and disappear as he does so. I’m trying to read it. I think it says…
Let yourself go into the forest of the heart of your desires. True love never tires. There is more here than meets the eye. When you cry, old sands from past times wash clear and we are all released. You are setting us free when you let us cry through you, and in turn, we set YOU free.
The ancestors gather around me. The witch lady and I gather the child up and lift it into the air. We are all singing and laughing together. The child bursts into light. When my vision clears, I see a beautiful young woman standing in from of me. She is dressed in Victorian clothing and has her hair up. I know she is me. She holds a finger to her lips and taken me by the arm, to stand side by side in front of a mirror. I watch as we merge into one another and then apart, like a double image resolving into one, then doubling again. Finally something snaps us together and I feel a great wrenching sensation in my heart. A fierce dragons bursts forth with a roar and wraps itself around my aura. I am one. I am fire. I am strength.